Tobore

How did I get here? I thought to myself. I thought they said lightening does not strike in the same place twice. Once bitten, twice shy and all that hogwash but not in my case. I have been fooled again.

I have been on the floor of my bathroom for the past two days. I am yet to move an inch even as the stench of the mixture of sweat, tears and dried mucus starts to get offensive. I do not think I have the strength.

 I sit here in shorts and bra as I wait for Efe. I wait for her to come soothe my pains. She walks into the bathroom asking me for the charger of my cell phone. I shout at her asking her to go

look for it herself.

I feel stupid. How can I shout at her? How can I shout at someone who had been there for me from the moment Tobore sent the message?  A message ending our three-year old relationship. Tobore described our relationship as quicksand. He said he felt himself sinking so fast, sinking so fast. How is that even possible? How does one sink? Nothing makes sense right now. Efe had dropped everything and come to Lagos from Calabar just to console me. Why should I shout at her?

She walks into the bathroom; I guess she has found the charger snorting and wondering, “who sits in their bathroom crying for 48 hours?” Purposefully, she runs the bath as she unhooks my bra, pulls me up gently and pushes my shorts and panties down. Still in thought I step into the bath, imagining how it would feel to drive a knife through Tobore’s heart. His heart? Who am I kidding? I am sure he doesn’t have one. If he had a heart, he will not change his numbers. If he had a heart, he will not leave me out in the cold. He will not leave after all the plans we had, after all the promises he made.

Damn you Tobore! Damn you! Mother warned me about you. Mother did. She told me to tread carefully especially after my experience with Richard. She said you were too good to be true. I refused to listen. I disregarded her warning and felt it was just mother being mother. I should have paid more attention to her warning. I should not have gotten so comfortable only for Tobore to snatch the seat from beneath me.

I sit through my bath in a daze though. Efe patient as ever, is still there with me as I step out of the bath. She wraps a towel round me and pushes me gently towards my bedroom. The cold air from the air-conditioner touches my skin and gives me a chill. Similar but in no way near the thrill I felt the first time Tobore kissed me. Oh my God! He is everywhere in my head. I need to get him out. I have to get him out. Everything reminds me of him. Everything! Even Huggzy my beloved teddy bear has a stain from the red wine Tobore spilled on it. Gosh! Tobore, damn you! Damn you wherever you are. I gave my heart, my soul, my everything. Damn you!

Efe hugs me as I break into another round of tears. I hug her as tight as the radio on my nightstand whenever Hoobastank’s The Reason is playing. It was our song. I remember everything Tobore said the first time he played that song for me. As I recalled the tears flowed freely. This pain is unbearable, this pain is so intense and I just want to scream. I want to scream!

Efe withdraws from our hug, sits me on the bed and tells me she has to answer the door. Lost in her embrace, I did not hear the bell ring. She leaves and walks in seconds later with my mother and elder sister. I get animated as they both rush to my side. I can feel mother’s hot tears as she hugs me. My elder sister who is a doctor sets her medical kit on the bed, brings out a needle, a syringe and withdraws the content of a small white plastic bottle. She injects me.

Seconds later, I feel dizzy. The pain starts to wear off, my words are incoherent. His face is the last thing I see as I drift away. I will get him. Some day I will make him pay. I will drive that knife through his heart.

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